


Love is like falling..

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-13
Updated: 2006-03-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 10:41:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12079437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: It's true, what they say, love makes you feel like falling.He makes me feel like falling, like dying.





	Love is like falling..

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: Just another Brian/Justin unrequited love story.  


* * *

The first thing you notice about Brian Kinney is his eyes. I know many people probably say things about them all the time, the colour, the way they shine. The fucking mischief behind them. But it was more than colour and personality in them. There was emotion. Too much. He was like a fragile glass on the edge of a counter, ready to fall and shatter. Break into a thousand piece. Not many people took Brian as the type of person to have much emotions and to be fragile. Mainly because of his way of getting things across and the way he hid things, very well. But it's all an act, and not many people see through it. But I saw through it the first time I met him. He was an asshole, but you could tell it was just his way of not letting people get too close. He hated being attached and hated being emotional. Towards anyone. He felt uncomfortable saying 'I love you', or hugging someone, or even kissing someone. Thats what tricks were for. He never had to do those things for them, mainly because they loved the spotlight and didn't care if he ever said or did those things for him, just as long as they could take the fuck out of Kinney.

I guess the first thing you would notice about me is the stench of cigarettes. That or the clothes I'd been wearing for about 4 days straight. I wasn't the type to worry about what I wore, or who seen me wearing it. I didn't care much for making a big fuss over things like, what my hair smelled like, or if i showered that day. I was just some guy who got kicked out of his house for sucking cock and was a hopeless romantic. A guy whose gotten his heart broken and his bones broken even more. Just, some guy. That would bother some people, being a nobody. Not me though, I was fine with being irregular and sometimes witty. I was known as the funny guy, but i don't crack jokes to make them smile. It's because I fear feeling their sadness.

I stepped inside my room of my one bedroom apartment, smelling the stale cigarette smell in the air. I hadn't opened the window in about six or more days so the air had gone a little foul. My walls were a dark shade of green and the only thing that could be visible in the room was a sunspot on my white pillow, it poked through the blinds and usually depending on the weather, thats how I was rudely awaken each morning. Today the sun was shining brightly and if one was in a good mood, it would be a really good day for them. But not me, I'd grown tiresome over the years, and almost bitter. Unrequited love can do that to a guy, you know?

I've spent countless nights wondering how things would be, if Brian would let me in. If he would find solace in these eyes instead of my fucking bed. I had been pacing all day. Wondering these things. My feet ached from the hour and a half walk I had just taken through the woods around my house, trying to get things cleared in my mind. There were too many things to contemplate. It was just.. where to begin, and where to place things? Organize them into little file cabinets in my mind or on tiny blue post-its to stick on my thoughts. Where nothing is so cluttered and it's easy to know what you want and where to get it. Because at the moment I don't know who or what I want. Or who I am or What I'll be. 

Somedays I feel more like a creature than an actual human being, and it scares me. I sit searching for some form of solace to keep me company but only finding that same bitter taste of ashes and liquor. His hair will smells the same everytime we're together, but it's always mixed with that lingering smell of another man. As for sounds, if you block out him grunting like im another trick, all you're left with is my unsteady breathing pattern.

It just hurts to breathe in anything but cigarette smoke. The air around me is thick and tasteless.  
I just need to find a way to be okay.

So this is what my days were filled with. Loneliness, apathy and a little golden light that lived on my pillow.


End file.
